Breathe Out

You know that feeling you get when you are on a roller coaster? That stomach in your throat, is this exciting or vomit inducing feeling that is such a rush? I've been feeling that constantly the last few weeks. My life has been in limbo while I have been on a sick leave from work. Some days I feel great and feel like I can take on the world, and other days I have to struggle to get out of bed. I know this is the nature of the beast, namely fibromyalgia, but I hate the uncertainty of it all.
Having fibro is like a never ending day at Six Flags.The nerve inducing upward climb of the cars on the track slowly taking you up higher and higher as your anxiety builds, this is a flare day for me. The pain builds and builds as I slowly try to get myself together and try to function as a normal person so that I can spend time with my family and participate in life. I know that I will eventually reach the top and the pain and anxiety will peak, but the journey of getting there makes me want to jump out of my skin with anticipation.
...and then, wheeee, I'm over the crest of the hill and rocketing downwards, exhilaration filling my soul. I am free falling and happy. This is a good day for me. I feel invincible and want to fill every moment with something fun, something meaningful. I want my boys to feel like they are the only things that matter in my world. I want my class to know that I love my job and I want to be spending my time helping them learn. I want my husband to know that all of his hard work is appreciated and he can have the night off, I will be supermom for a few hours.
But those days go quickly and before I know it I am at the base of another hill that must slowly be climbed. In my dreams I yell, "Stop the ride, I want to get off!", but you can't get off in the middle of the track, you have to ride it out until you reach the station again. Let me tell you, I am so looking forward to pulling into that station and just resting for a while.
My mom taught me a trick when I was younger and an actual roller coaster enthusiast. When you get to the top of the hill, take a deep breath and blow out as you go down the hills. I tried it and the results were amazing, my stomach stayed right where it was meant to be and I could enjoy the free fall without fear or anxiety. The next climb up didn't seem so bad because I knew I could handle what was coming up next. I need to apply this to my life now, I need to just breathe out and know that everything is going to be ok.