Insomnia strikes again

It's 12:31 am, the boys are tucked in bed and Brian has been asleep for hours. Well, I lied; the boys are actually tucked into their respective couches. It's Friday night and I really don't feel like fighting their constant excuses why they can't be in their rooms. Sometimes I'm not sure if they are spoiled or I'm just choosing my battles.

I've been fighting too many other things lately, near the top of that list is insomnia. Even with prescription sleeping pills I am not getting more than 2 hours a night, tops. I used to take 1/2 of a Benadryl and sleep for 12 hours, now I can take 2 whole pills and not feel a thing. I don't really like the tolerances I am building up to medicines. I am currently on 10-12 different meds a day and I am beginning to worry about my liver. I'm too young to worry about that.

Late night TV is horrible. I don't care what kind of shampoo Alyssa Milano uses and nobody poo pooed in my magic lamp, thank you very much.Seriously? I know that I should just turn the TV off and pop on some white noise, but white noise doesn't block out the "what ifs" that jump out of my subconscious and into the main spotlight on the stage of my conscious thought.

What if I fall asleep and the boys need something and I won't hear them? What if I fall asleep and have another one of those crazy vivid dreams brought on by the meds? What if the zombie apocalypse is really coming? What if I fall asleep and then roll into a position that is going to make me feel worse tomorrow? What if I run out of what ifs, will I go brain dead or just get some much needed rest? Which do I prefer at this moment? What if someone is reading the blog I just wrote and finally has the evidence they need to declare me a crazy person? What if the hokey pokey is what it's all about?

But really, I need to sleep. I've tried meds, I've tried tea, I've tried hypnosis Cds, I've tried white noise, I've tried a glass of wine. I think warm milk is disgusting, but I am willing to try it. But, I'm still here and still awake.

Hey, it's now 12:56 and I have used 25 minutes being productive. Huzzah! A night not wasted, finally.